WHAT MORE CAN I SAY

2011-10-26T19:25:00.000-07:00

HAPPINESS IS A MOOD NOT A DESTINATION... MORE TO COME

THE OCEAN IS NOT THAT BIG

2011-10-21T13:21:00.000-07:00

MOST DAYS WE LIVE WITH THE DEAFENING SOUND OF SEPARATION UNTIL THE PAIN OVERTAKES US AND WE CAVE. HOW MANY DAYS PASS UNTIL OUR SELFISHNESS IS OVER TAKEN BY PRIDE WHICH IN TURN WILL COLLAPSE WITH ONE BRIEF PASSING OF HOPE? I HOPE WE CAN ALL SEE THIS DAY IN THE MIDST OF OUR JOURNEY, EVEN IF ITS ONLY FOR A SECOND. CHANGE IS ALWAYS INSTANT. ITS FINDING THE COURAGE TO CHANGE THAT TAKES THE LONGEST.

2011-10-18T18:51:00.000-07:00

IVE BEEN DANCING WITH TRUST AND HONESTY. FEAR IS ALL AROUND US AND FOR MOST THEY ARE EASILY OVERTAKEN BY IT WITH EVERY PASSING GLANCE. SOMETIMES WE JUST HAVE TO JUMP IN. WE WILL NEVER FIND OURSELVES IF WE LIVE WITH CONSTANT HESITATION.

IN ONE WEEK I WILL BE 31

2011-08-21T22:40:00.000-07:00

YES ITS TRUE.... THE BIG 3-1, OH MY! YOU SEE THE PROBLEM WITH THIS IS, I SET LIFE GOALS AND I ALWAYS SET THEM TO END ON MY BIRTHDAY AND GUESS WHAT?... THEY NEVER COME TRUE. I MEAN SURE, THE SMALL ONES THAT ONLY TAKE FIVE MIN TO ACCOMPLISH DO. BUT IM TALKING BIG TIME BABE RUTH GRAND SLAM GOALS! ARE YOU WITH ME? I HOPE SO CAUSE IM LOST IN THE CONFUSION.

THE PROBLEM WITH THIS IS.... LIFE HAPPENS. ITS ALL AROUND ME AND UNEXPECTED. I GUESS I SHOULD CHANGE THEM FROM "GOALS" TO "DESIRES". MAYBE THEN THE REALISM WILL SET IN.

SO THE QUESTION ALL OF YOU ARE ASKING... WHAT WAS MY BIG GOAL FOR THIS YEAR????? FIRST ONE TO GUESS GETS A PARTY FAVOR

IT CAN MAKE YOU FACE ALL YOU'RE FEARS

2011-08-10T23:44:00.000-07:00

WHAT IF THIS WHOLE TIME WE KNEW EXACTLY WHAT WE WANTED AND NEVER ACTED UPON IT?

FEAR.... ARE YOU TIRED OF ME TALKING ABOUT IT? I AM...... I AM VERY TIRED OF IT AND YET WE STILL KEEP ON KEEPING ON.

I THINK IT IS FUNNY HOW LIFE WORKS. THE WAY "FRIENDS" COME IN AND OUT OF OUR LIVES. ITS ALMOST AS PREDICTABLE AS A SUNSET.

I DREAM OF A WORLD WITH OUT FEAR. I DREAM OF A TIME WHEN WE CAN SAY HOW WE REALLY FEEL OR BETTER YET ACT UPON IT. IM FINDING IT HARD TO BREATHE SOMETIMES WITH ALL OF THESE SMOKE SCREENS AROUND ME.

I WAS ASKED YESTERDAY...."WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FOR?" TO WHICH I REPLIED...."IM LOOKING FOR SOMEONE WHO IS NOT AFRAID OF LOVE."

2011-08-04T22:50:00.000-07:00

I QUESTIONING HONESTY ALL THE TIME. ARE WE WORRIED ABOUT OUR POLITICAL AGENDA THAT WE ARE LYING TO OURSELVES SO OFTEN THAT WE ARE NOT EVEN SURE WHAT THE WORD HONESTY MEANS? I MEAN FOR FIVE SECONDS LETS BE REAL. WHEN IS THE LAST TIME WE SPOKE WITHOUT THINKING OF WHAT THE CONSEQUENCES ARE? WHEN IS THE LAST TIME WE SAT DOWN IF FRONT OF THE MIRROR AND REALLY LAID IT ALL OUT ON THE LINE? I THINK WE LIVE IN THIS "BACK POCKET" STATE OF MIND SO WE WILL ALWAYS HAVE OPTIONS EVEN WHEN WE KNOW WHAT THE REAL HONEST SOLUTIONS ARE. IM CHANGING RAPIDLY AND IM NOT SURE WHO WILL BE ABLE TO KEEP UP

CAN THE HUNTER BECOME THE HUNTED?

2011-07-30T22:39:00.000-07:00

I WOULD LIKE TO START THIS BY SAYING... THIS IS NOT NORMAL FOR ME. IM GOING TO TAKE THIS BLOG TO A DEEPER LEVEL THEN I NORMALLY DO. MOST DAYS I USE THIS TO GIVE A WATERED DOWN VERSION OF MY PERSONAL WRITINGS. I TEASER IF YOU WILL, BUT TODAY I FEEL LIKE I NEED THE RELEASE. FTW THIS IS NOT POINTED AT ANYONE OR SPECIFIC LY RELATED TO SOMEONE IT IS A MESSAGE AND A THOUGHT THAT I HAVE BEEN THINKING ABOUT NON STOP FOR MANY MANY YEARS.

NOW THAT THE LEGAL MUM BO JUMBO IS DONE LETS GET DOWN TO BUSINESS.

IM TIRED. PLAIN AND SIMPLE. IM TIRED OF BEING "AGGRESSIVE" IM TIRED OF BEING THE "HUNTER" IF YOU WILL. I FEEL LIKE A PUT IN A TON OF EFFORT, TIME AND RESOURCES ALL TO BE TOSSED ASIDE AT THE FIRST SIGN OF SOMETHING BETTER ALL TO HEAR THAT I WAS THE BETTER CHOICE AFTER THE FACT.

I GET THAT I AM SAFE. I GET THAT I AM NOT NORMAL BUT IM TIRED OF ALWAYS HEARING "YOU ARE TOO NICE TO ME" OR " I DONT DESERVE YOU".

AT WHAT POINT DO I BECOME THE "HUNTED"? OR IS THAT TO MUCH TO ASK FOR?

IM LOOKING FOR REAL HONEST TRUE DESIRE.

MOST DAYS I WANT TO GIVE UP.

I GUESS WHAT I AM SAYING IS THAT I CAN DO WITHOUT ALL THE GAMES AND I WISH THAT SOMEONE WOULD CHOOSE ME.

FEAR IS A FUNNY THING. AT WHAT POINT WILL BE NOT BE AFRAID TO TRUST SO I HEARTS CAN DO WHAT THEY WERE CREATED FOR.... LOVE

2011-07-29T23:13:00.000-07:00

I GUESS IM STUCK ON THIS SUBJECT. IM HAVING A HARD TIME BELIVING THAT ANYONE BELIEVES THEY DO NOT DESERVE LOVE. I GUESS I FEEL LIKE IT IS SELFISH. ISNT LOVE ALL ABOUT WHO THE PERSON IS AT THAT MOMENT IN THEIR LIFE NO MATTER IF IT IS GOOD OR BAD? DO WE THINK THAT OTHERS CAN ONLY LOVE US WHEN WE ARE AT OUR BEST? I WANT SOMETHING REAL. I WANT SOMEONE WHO SHOWS UP EVERYDAY GOOD OR BAD. I WANT SOMEONE WHO WILL LOVE ME WHEN I SUCK.

SO LEAVE THE THOUGHTS BEHIND. JUMP IN THAT POOL HEAD FIRST, BECAUSE LOVE IS ABOUT THE MOMENT AND THE MOMENT TURNS INTO DAYS AND THE DAYS TURN INTO YEARS AND YEARS TURN INTO LIFETIMES.

2011-07-27T22:50:00.000-07:00

IM NOT SURE WHERE AND WHEN WE CAME UP WITH THE IDEA THAT WE DONT DESERVE LOVE. IM NOT SURE HOW THAT IS EVEN A FAIR STATEMENT. COULD IT ME THAT WE ARE JUST AFRAID? COULD IT BE THAT WE ARE JUST SELFISH? IM NOT SURE THAT WE GET TO PICK WHO LOVES US.... AFTER ALL IT IS THEIR CHOICE

COULD IT BE THAT WE LIVE OUR LIVES IN SLOW MOTION AND MISS WHAT WAS INTENDED TO BE FAST?

2011-07-19T00:04:00.000-07:00

I NEED TO CHANGE MY LIFE ON SUNDAYS. ITS DEPRESSING. I FEEL LIKE IM RUNNING A RACE WITH THE CARROT JUST MILLIMETERS FROM MY FACE. THE CARROT BEING MY DESIRES AND THE RACE BEING MY PATH. I FEEL LIKE I AM STAYING THE PATH BUT THE PROBLEM WITH THAT IS ITS NAME.... "VIA DOLOROSA"....... IM FINDING THAT I WANT NORMALCY. A CHANCE TO DO RIGHT WHAT I HAVE DONE WRONG.

IM LOOKING FOR QUIET. IM LOOKING FOR RELAXATION. IM LOOKING FOR REAL, MESSED UP OR PERFECT JUST REAL.

I BELIEVE LOVE IS A FAST SONG. IS IT SPINNING ME AROUND AGAIN?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TaN_3eXJrwE

2011-07-11T23:30:00.001-07:00

I JUST WANT TO CLAIRFY THIS BLOG... IT IS NOT NEGITIVE IN ANYWAY.... IT IS A MESSAGE OF HOPE

SOMETHING THAT HAS BEEN ON MY MIND

2011-07-11T23:27:00.001-07:00

WHEN WILL WE LET HOPE FIGHT FOR OUR TRUST WHICH WILL ERASE OUR FEARS AND THEN ALLOW US TO LOVE LIKE WE WANT?

2011-07-11T23:19:00.001-07:00

IM FINDING THAT STRENGTH IS AN EASY THING TO MEASURE. I CAN SEE IT ALL AROUND ME IN VARIOUS FORMS. TONIGHT I SAW IT IN YOU'RE EYES AND IT REMINDED ME THAT ITS OK TO LET OTHERS STAY THE PATH FOR ME SOMETIMES. ITS OK TO BE THE ONE WHO NEEDS HELP. SO TONIGHT I THANK YOU FOR SHOWING ME THE PATH WHEN I LOST MY WAY.

COULD IT BE THAT FEAR IS THE ONLY BLINDER OUR EYES WILL EVER SEE?

2011-07-10T22:24:00.000-07:00

TODAY I FELT THE ICE BREAK. THE SOUND WAS INTENSE AND EXHAUSTING AS I FELT THE WAVE OF THE WATER BELOW ME I KNEW THAT THIS WAS IT.

CHANGE.

IT WAS UPON ME.

ALL MY TALKS OF BEING TIRED. ALL MY TALKS OF CHANGE. ALL MY TALKS OF FEAR HAVE BEEN SURPASSED BY THIS SINGLE MOMENT. ONE TEAR GRAZED MY CHEEK AS I FELT THE WARM RUSH OF ADRENALINE PUMP THREW MY VEINS. IT WAS A WEIRD FEELING. THE LONELINESS WAS WASHED AWAY IN A SINGLE SECOND AND ANGER HAD OVERTAKEN MY SOUL. I FELT CONFUSED, I FELT UNAWARE, BUT MOST OF ALL I FELT DEFEATED.

I AM STRONGER FOR THIS MOMENT. THIS PLACE IN TIME. IT HAS COME AND GONE. I FELL LIKE I HAVE BEEN PREPING FOR IT FOR SOME TIME. STAY THE PATH. VIA DOLOROSA

2011-07-10T00:47:00.000-07:00

I FEEL LIKE IM LIVING IN SLOW MOTION AND AT THE SAME TIME I FEEL AS THOUGH I CANNOT CATCH UP. I WONDER IF THIS WILL EVER CHANGE OR AM I LIVING A LIFETIME OF REGRETS WITH NO WEIGHT UPON MY SHOULDERS?

I CAN SEE THE SUNRISE, BUT THE WARMTH NEVER REACHES MY BROW. I CAN FEEL THE SUNSET BUT IT IS A LONLEY PLACE OF DESPAIR.

I FEEL LIKE IM GRASPING AND PULLING BUT ALL I GET IS A HANDFUL OF AIR. THREE A.M IS A DEAFENING SOUND OF SILENCE AND A HARD PILL TO SWALLOW

SOMETIMES YOU JUST HAVE TO WAIT 10 MORE YEARS

2011-07-02T23:50:00.000-07:00

I REMEMBER A SIMPLER TIME. A TIME WHEN WE WOULD ACT IN SUCH A WAY THAT WE WOULD JUST BE AND NOT THINK ABOUT EVERYTHING IN GREAT DETAIL. I REMEMBER A TIME WHEN TRUST WAS ALL YOU NEEDED. WHAT HAPPENED TO THAT? I STRUGGLE WITH THE IDEA THAT WE OVER THINK EVERYTHING TO THE POINT THAT WE MISS EVERYTHING.

MISTAKES ARE MISTAKES. LIFE IS LIFE AND IT IS NOT ABOUT WHERE YOU HAVE BEEN BUT WHERE YOU ARE GOING. I WONDER IF WE WILL EVER ACCEPT THIS MESSAGE? CAN WE PUT OUR REGRET AND GUILT BEHIND US SO WE CAN PUT OUR FUTURE IN FRONT OF US?

FORGIVENESS IS UPON YOU BUT WILL YOU FORGIVE YOURSELF? I FIND HOPE IN THE FACT THAT ONE DAY MY CONSISTENCY WILL REWARD ME SO UNTIL THEN I WILL STAY THE PATH.

2011-06-30T20:06:00.000-07:00

WHY IS IT THAT "SURVIVAL" IS THE ONLY FORM OF LIVING THESE DAYS? SO QUICK ARE WE TO THROW OUR FRIENDS UNDER THE BUS TO JUSTIFY WHAT WE ARE DOING. NOBODY HERE IS JUDGING BUT EVERYONE HERE IS JUDGING.

2011-06-29T23:15:00.000-07:00

I CAN FEEL THE WITHDRAW. IT IS LIKE A BORING MOVIE....LONG AND DRUG OUT. I CAN FEEL MY HEART HARDENING AND I DO NOT LIKE IT. I KNOW THE PATH AND I HAVE STAYED THE PATH BUT WITH EVERY PASSING DAY I FEEL MY LEGS WEAKENING TO THE POINT OF EXHAUSTION. I FIND HOPE WITH EVERY LAUGH AND SMILE BUT WHAT I WANT IS SOME SUBSTANCE. A RELEASE....THE FEELING OF CHRISTMAS MORNING WHEN I WAS YOUNG. COULD IT BE THAT IM TAINTED AND MY EXPECTATION IS TO HIGH? OR AM I AFRAID OF WHAT IS NEXT?

STAY THE PATH

2011-06-28T21:46:00.000-07:00

I KEEP TELLING MYSELF THIS BUT IM WONDERING IF IT IS WORKING. I AM REMINDED DAILY THAT SOMETIMES THE JOURNEY LASTS WAY LONGER THAN THE DESTINATION, SO THAT IS THE HOPE I AM HOLDING ONTO. COULD IT BE THAT THIS WILL BE THE GREATEST TEST OF MY PATIENTS OR EVEN THE GREATEST TEST OF ALL TIME? ITS HARD TO KNOW YOUR ONE TRUE DESIRE AND NEVER BE ABLE TO GRASP IT LIKE A CARROT IN FRONT OF THE RABITS NOSE. IM JUST GLAD I HAVE LONG ARMS AND STEADY PACE

ITS OK TO THROW YOUR BURRITO AWAY

2011-06-27T22:25:00.000-07:00

I WONDER IF LETTING GO IS HARDER THAN LETTING YOUR GAURD DOWN? OR DO THEY GO HAND IN HAND?

MY BACK SAYS IT ALL

2011-06-06T22:25:00.000-07:00

WHAT IF BREAKING OLD HABITS WILL JUST LEAD TO NEW ONES? WHAT IF WE NEVER LEARN HOW TO TRUST? IM FINDING THAT TRUST AND FEAR GO HAND IN HAND. IM LEARNING THAT ALL I WANT IS FOR YOU TO TRUST ME LONG ENOUGH TO HELP YOU FACE YOU'RE FEARS. FEAR IS AN INTERESTING BATTLE. ITS NOT A BATTLE OF GOOD AND EVIL BUT A BATTLE OF HOPE. WHEN WILL WE LET HOPE FIGHT FOR OUR TRUST WHICH WILL ERASE OUR FEARS AND THEN ALLOW US TO LOVE LIKE WE WANT? DONT GIVE UP ON HOPE, ITS ALL WE HAVE LEFT

WITHOUT TRUE SACRIFICE WE WILL NEVER KNOW LOVE

2011-06-05T20:27:00.000-07:00

I FEEL LIKE MY MIND IS RACING A MILLION MILES A SECOND AND I CANNOT FOCUS ON A SINGLE THOUGHT. IM FINDING THAT MY EMOTIONS ARE WINNING THE WAR. I WANT PASSION IN MY LIFE NOT EXISTENCE. I WANT TO FEEL THE BURDEN OF ANOTHER FOR THE SOLE PURPOSE OF RELIEF. I HAVE AN ADDICTION. IM ADDICTED TO SACRIFICE.

2011-06-02T21:13:00.000-07:00

I WISH I COULD RECORD YOU'RE LAUGH AND PLAY IT BACK EVERY TIME I HAVE A BAD MOMENT. I WISH I HAD A GIANT P.A THAT I COULD FILL THE AIR WITH IT. I FEEL LIKE IT COULD SAVE THE WORLD, CURE HUNGER AND BRING WORLD PEACE. IN A SELFISH WAY I WISH I JUST HAD IT ON MY IPOD SO I COULD PUT IT ON REPEAT. IT CHANGES ME EVERY TIME I HEAR IT.

SOMETHING I HEARD TODAY AND WANTED TO SHARE

2011-06-01T21:49:00.000-07:00

THERE IS NOTHING RATIONAL ABOUT LOVE. LOVE STUDDERS WHEN IT GETS NERVOUS. LOVE TRIPS OVER ITS OWN SHOE LACES. LOVE IS CLUMSY AND MY HEART REFUSES TO WEAR A HELMET

2011-06-01T21:17:00.001-07:00

IM NOT CONVINCED THAT LOVE IS A MYSTERY. IM NOT CONVINCED THAT IT IS UNOBTAINABLE. I AM CONVINCED THAT IT IS EASIER MADE THAN KEPT.

I WONDER WHAT MY LIFE WOULD BE LIKE IF I COULD JUST LET MY GUARD DOWN. I LIKE TO THINK I AM AN HONEST PERSON AND WEAR MY HEART ON MY SLEEVE BUT WHAT IF I REALLY JUST LAID IT ALL ON THE LINE? WOULD THAT EVEN BE HUMANLY POSSIBLE FOR US TO GRASP OR WOULD I JUST BE PASSED OVER? I WONDER IF WE AS HUMANS REALLY UNDERSTAND THE WORD
"UNCONDITIONAL"?

COULD IT BE THAT WE DONT UNDERSTAND BECAUSE DEEP DOWN WE DONT WANT TO?

2011-06-01T20:34:00.000-07:00

TONIGHT I AM HEARTBROKEN. NOT BY A PERSON BUT BY AN IDEA THAT HAUNTS ME TO MY CORE.

ONLY IN TRUE SACRIFICE YOU WILL FIND LOVE

2011-05-25T15:05:00.000-07:00

IM CAPTIVATED BY THIS IDEA. BEAUTY DOES EXIST. I FIND YOURS EXCEPTIONAL. THE BEST PART IS I CANT SEE YOUR EXTERIOR.

WASH RINSE REPEAT

2011-05-24T08:01:00.000-07:00

I FEEL LIKE UNTIL THE LAST WEEK OR SO I HAVE FORGOTTEN THE REAL MEANING OF WHAT A RELATIONSHIP IS. I HAVE FORGOTTEN THE MOST IMPORTANT PART. MY MIND HAS BEEN SO WRAPPED AROUND THE CHANGES IN MY LIFE THAT SOME HOW THE BIGGEST FACTOR, THE GLUE WAS JUST TOSSED RIGHT OUT THE WINDOW.

DONT WORRY I FOUND IT..... IT SLAPPED ME ACROSS THE FACE AND REMINDED ME THAT IT WAS STILL THERE WAITING FOR ME.

ITS NOT ABOUT HOW "HOT" SHE IS..... HOW BEAUTIFUL SHE LOOKS WHEN YOU PICK HER UP FOR DINNER..... THAT SHE CAN HANG OUT WITH YOUR DUDES AND HOLD HER OWN..... OR THAT SHE CAN LOOK YOU IN THE EYE WHEN SHE SPEAKS TO YOU....... ALL OF THESE ARE IMPORTANT BUT ITS NOT WHAT KEEPS IT TOGETHER....

ITS THAT SHE IS YOUR BEST FRIEND, WHEN YOU LOOK FOR THAT, THE REST WILL FALL INTO LINE.

2011-05-23T13:01:00.000-07:00

IM FINDING WITH EACH PASSING DAY THAT FEAR WILL ALWAYS DRIVE THE HUMAN SOUL. IM FINDING THAT NO WORDS CAN BE SPOKIN IN SUCH A FASHION THAT WE CAN EASE THE FEAR THAT HAS BEEN GROWING INSIDE OF US FOR YEARS AND FOR MANY MORE YEARS TO COME. IM NOT TALKING IN A RELIGOUS SENSE BUT IN A HUMAN SENSE. INSTANTLY I THINK OF THAT FAMOUS QUOTE THAT SAYS. "THE ONLY THING TO FEAR IS FEAR ITSELF" IN WHICH I FIND VERY TRUE BUT HOW DO WE OVERCOME SUCH A THING?

LOVE IS ONLY CAPSIZED BY FEAR AND THIS IS PROBABLY THE THING I BELIEVE IN THE MOST.

SOMEONE AWESOME SENT ME THIS AND I WANTED TO SHARE

2011-05-19T08:08:00.000-07:00

WHEN TAKING IN ANY DETAIL OF LIFE IT IS IMPORTANT TO APPRICIATE WHAT IS RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOUR FACE

NYC

2011-05-18T13:10:00.000-07:00

WOW I JUST REALIZED HOW LONG ITS BEEN SINCE I HAVE SIGNED INTO THIS THING. IN NO WAY SHAPE OR FORM AM I GOING TO ATTEMPT TO CATCH THE WORLD WIDE WEB ON MY LIFE SO I GUESS ILL JUST START WITH THE PAST WEEK OR SO.

LAST WEEK I WENT ON A TRIP TO NYC. IT WAS GREAT TO BE IN A BIG CITY AGAIN FOR MORE THAN JUST FIVE MIN. IT REMINDED ME OF MY LOVE FOR PEOPLE, THE FAST PACE, AND THE INDESCRIBABLE SMELL THAT ONLY SMOG, TRASH, AND URINE CAN GIVE YOU. I FELT LIKE A LOST KID IN A DEPARTMENT STORE. THE EXCITEMENT/ FEAR OF GETTING LOST AND THE FEELING OF WALKING AROUND LOOKING UP WITH YOUR HEAD ON A SWIVEL AND YOUR MOUTH WIDE OPEN IN AW OF YOUR SURROUNDINGS. NEEDLESS TO SAY THAT PLACE IS GIGANTIC AND FULL OF LIFE. WE STAYED IN HARLEM AND IT REMINDED ME OF MY NEIGHBORHOOD. THE ATTITUDES, THE FEELING OF SURVIVAL THAT WAS IN THE AIR.

THE THING I NOTICED THE MOST ABOUT NYC WAS NOT THE GIGANTIC BUILDINGS, THE FASHION OR JUST THE INSANE AMOUNT OF PEOPLE, IT WAS THE WEIRD LOVE THAT WAS IN THE AIR. WITH EVERY TRAIN I TOOK WITH EVERY BLOCK I WALKED AND WITH EVERY MEAL I ATE I COULD SEE PEOPLE IN LOVE AND ACTIVELY SHOWING IT. I DONT KNOW IF IT WAS BECAUSE I WAS IN A HIGHER POPULATED AREA THAN THE 419 BUT NONE THE LESS IT WAS RELEVANT. IT REMINDED ME OF SO MANY THINGS. THE THINGS THAT I FIND IMPORTANT. IT REMINDED ME OF SIGNS AND WONDERS. IT REMINDED ME THAT ITS ALWAYS THE LITTLE THINGS IN LIFE THAT MATTER. I FEEL LIKE I LEFT NYC REMINDED THAT ITS OK TO LOVE AND TO LET IT BE KNOWN. ITS OK TO BE PROUD IN THAT MOMENT AND TO SHARE IT WITH THE ONES YOU LOVE

THINGS THAT HAVE BEEN ON MY MIND

2010-11-07T23:35:00.001-08:00

1. WHAT HAPPENS WHEN THE FRIEND GM NEEDS A FRIEND GM?
2. CHANGE IS INSTANT, WHAT TAKES SO LONG IS THE COURAGE TO FACE YOUR FEARS
3. "YOU KNOW I DREAMED ABOUT YOU FOR 29 YEARS BEFORE I SAW YOUR FACE"—THE NATIONAL, SLOW SHOW
4. LOVE IS EASIER MADE THAN KEPT
5. LOVE IS ONLY CAPSIZED BY FEAR
6. I LOVE MY MORPHSUIT
7. I HATE BIG BEDS
8. I WONDER IF I WILL GET MY HEALTH INSURANCE BACK?
9. WHY IS MY LIFE ALWAYS A STRUGGLE?
10. HOW DO WE AS HUMANS CONSCIOUSLY MAKE THE WRONG CHOICES WHEN WE ADMIT THAT WE KNOW WHAT THE RIGHT CHOICE IS?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cJVhZKhZEiI

2010-11-02T13:00:00.001-07:00

COULD IT BE TRUE THAT REGRET IS STILL NOT ENOUGH TO CAUSE CHANGE?

2010-10-25T20:34:00.000-07:00

TONIGHT MORE THAN EVER IN MY LIFE, I REALIZE THAT I NEED A CHANGE AND IT NEEDS TO START NOW

2010-10-06T21:19:00.001-07:00

I HAVE BEEN DOING A LOT OF THINKING ABOUT LIFE AND LOVE A TON LATELY. I FEEL THE PRESSURE AND THE DESIRE TO BE MORE THAN I AM AT THIS POINT IN MY LIFE. I HAVE LIVED LIFE AND HAVE SEEN MORE THINGS THAN MOST PEOPLE WILL OR SHOULD IN THEIR LIFE TIME BUT IM JUST NOT SATISFIED WITH HOW MY LIFE HAS TURNED OUT. SOME MAY SAY THAT I HAVE THIS AWESOME LIFE WHERE I DONT HAVE TO GO TO WORK EVERYDAY AND I CAN JUST DO WHATEVER I WANT TO ALL DAY LONG. WELL THAT IS SOME WHAT TRUE BUT THE FLIP SIDE OF THAT IS, I HAVE A HEART CONDITION. TO BE HONEST I WOULD GO TO WORK IN A HEART BEAT IF I COULD.

A LITTLE OVER A YEAR AGO I DIED, YES I DIED FOR ABOUT 30 SECONDS I WAS DEAD AND EVER SINCE THAT MOMENT I HAVE SEEN EVERYTHING IN A DIFFERENT LIGHT. I VALUE TIME MORE NOW THAN EVER. A DAY FEELS LIKE TEN AND A WEEK FEELS LIKE A YEAR. I FEEL LIKE I AM LUCKY IN THE RESPECT THAT I HAVE A SECOND CHANCE TO DO THINGS RIGHT, AND THAT IS WHAT I AM GOING TO DO.

I HAVE ALSO BEEN THINKING ABOUT THESE THREE STATEMENTS.

1. FOR BETTER OR FOR WORSE
2. FOR RICHER AND FOR POORER
3. IN SICKNESS AND IN HEALTH

I HAVE BEEN THINKING... DO PEOPLE REALLY REALIZE WHAT THEY ARE SAYING WHEN THEY SAY IT? CONSISTENCY? COMMITMENT? SELFLESSNESS INSTEAD OF SELFISHNESS?.... WHAT A CONCEPT, RIGHT?

I WONDER IF WE WILL EVER GET THIS RIGHT?

VIA DOLOROSA

2010-10-01T22:41:00.000-07:00

I AM LEARNING THAT I SHOULD NOT CARE SO MUCH. I AM LEARNING THAT WHEN I DO I ONLY GET HURT. I AM LEARNING THAT THIS IS MY DESTINY. I AM LEARNING NO EFFORT THAT I PUT FORTH WILL EVER BE ENOUGH. I AM LEARNING THAT LOVE REALLY IS A CHOICE. I AM LEARNING THAT GREATNESS IS ONLY DEFINED BY THOSE AROUND YOU. I AM LEARNING THAT THE TATTOO ON MY LEFT FOOT REALLY IS TRUE.

2010-09-18T22:21:00.001-07:00

I GAVE UP NOT BECAUSE I WANTED TO, BUT BECAUSE I HAD TO

2010-09-11T10:31:00.000-07:00

TRUTH BE TOLD........... IM JUST REALLY TIRED

2010-08-31T22:00:00.001-07:00

I USED TO HAVE THIS IDEA, THIS THEORY, THIS CONCEPT THAT "ALL TIMING IS PERFECT, AND ITS JUST HOW WE REACT TO IT." WELL TODAY I HAVE TO DISAGREE WITH MYSELF..... RESPECTFULLY OF COURSE.

2010-08-20T02:06:00.001-07:00

IN THIS EXACT MOMENT IN MY LIFE, I WISH I COULD SLOW DOWN TIME

2010-08-15T22:13:00.000-07:00

ONLY IN TRUE SACRIFICE WILL YOU FIND LOVE

2010-08-13T23:24:00.000-07:00

TIMING IS ALWAYS PERFECT, IT IS JUST HOW WE RESPOND TO IT THAT MAKES ALL THE DIFFERENCE.

mumford and sons

2010-08-10T21:23:00.000-07:00

this is a song called "white blank page" this song really speaks to me

CAN YOU LIE NEXT TO HER
AND GIVE HER YOUR HEART
YOU HEART, AS WELL AS YOUR BODY
AND CAN YOU LIE NEXT TO HER
AND CONFESS YOUR LOVE
YOUR LOVE, AS WELL AS YOUR FOLLY
AND CAN YOU KNEEL BEFORE THE KING
AND SAY IM CLEAN, IM CLEAN

BUT TELL ME NOW, WHERE WAS MY FAULT
IN LOVING YOU WITH MY WHOLE HEART

A WHITE BLANK PAGE AND A SWELLING RAGE
YOU DID NOT THINK WHEN YOU SENT ME TO THE BRINK
YOU DESIRED MY ATTENTION BUT DENIED MY AFFECTIONS

LEAD ME TO THE TRUTH AND I
WILL FOLLOW YOU WITH MY WHOLE LIFE

2010-08-10T21:08:00.000-07:00

IM CAPTIVATED MY THIS IDEA. BEAUTY DOES EXIST. I FIND YOURS EXCEPTIONAL. THE BEST PART IS I CANT SEE YOUR EXTERIOR.

2010-08-09T21:18:00.001-07:00

LAST NIGHT I SAT DOWN WITH MY GUITAR SOME PAPER AND A PEN I DECIDED TO TRY AND FIGURE OUT MY LIFE. I SAT AT MY DESK FOR ALL OF ABOUT 10 SECONDS WHEN I REALIZED THAT................. THEIR IS NOTHING TO FIGURE OUT. I ALREADY KNOW WHAT I HAVE TO DO, WHERE I HAVE TO GO AND HOW I HAVE TO GET THERE. THEN I REALIZED THE REAL QUESTION OF THE EVENING.....................

WHO IS COMING WITH ME?

2010-08-08T20:24:00.001-07:00

COULD IT BE THAT IF FEAR DRIVES OUR VERY BEING THAT WE WILL NEVER KNOW LOVE?

2010-08-08T16:51:00.000-07:00

My greatest strength is my greatest weakness. Someday the real me will super seed the idea of me and I will find what I'm looking for

2010-08-08T01:07:00.000-07:00

SOMEONE ASKED ME TONIGHT FOR SOME ADVICE ON LOVE. I SAID JUST DO THESE THREE THINGS

1. SHOW UP
2. ACT
3. REPEAT

2010-08-05T12:07:00.000-07:00

WHAT IF THE WHOLE TIME WE WERE LOOKING FOR A EPIC SIGN, SOMETHING GRAND, A PERFECTLY ALIGNED SERIES OF EVENTS WE MISSED THE GRAND SCHEME OF A MILLION SMALL EVENTS THAT CREATED THIS EPIC JOURNEY....... SOMETIMES WE JUST NEED TO OPEN OUR EYES, FOLLOW OUR HEART AND REALIZE THAT........... ITS RIGHT UNDER OUR NOSE

HOPE

2010-08-02T21:34:00.000-07:00

SOMETIMES IN LIFE WE HAVE TO JUMP HEAD FIRST AND PRAY THAT WE LAND IN WATER. SOMETIMES THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENS AND OTHER TIMES WE LAND HEAD FIRST INTO A PILE OF QUICK SAND. I AM IN THE QUICK SAND.

THE HARDER I FIGHT AND THE HARDER I STRUGGLE THE DEEPER I SINK. ITS LIKE IN A DREAM WHEN YOUR FALLING AND THEN YOU WAKE UP... PANIC IS IN THE AIR AND BREATHING BECOMES A THOUGHT INDUCED THING. ITS LIKE LIFE TAKES ITS TOLL AND 65 YEARS LATER YOUR IN A DAZE AND ARE WONDERING WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO THE TIME. I'M TIRED OF THE STRUGGLE, THE QUICK SAND AND THE FEAR OF FALLING. I'M TIRED OF THE UNKNOWN. I'M TIRED OF WONDERING WHAT WILL HAPPEN NEXT.......... BUT I'M HOPEFUL AND I WILL SAY IT AGAIN I AM HOPEFUL THAT DREAMS DO COME TRUE!

LOVE IS ONLY CAPSIZED BY FEAR

2010-07-21T21:01:00.000-07:00

WOW I HONESTLY DONT KNOW WHERE TO BEGIN WITH THIS. I HAVE BEEN THINKING ABOUT THIS IDEA, THIS CONCEPT FOR SOME TIME.

FEAR. WHAT IS FEAR? IS IT THE UNKNOWN? IS IT THE IDEA OF BEING OUT OF CONTROL OF THE SITUATION?

WHEN I THINK OF RELATIONSHIPS AND LOVE I THINK OF TWO THINGS. WINNING AND LOSING. I FEEL LIKE WHEN YOU BREAK IT DOWN YOU ARE ONLY DOING ONE OR THE OTHER. YOU CAN EITHER WIN AT LOVE OR LOSE AT LOVE. I DONT BELIEVE THEIR IS A MIDDLE GROUND.

WHEN I THINK OF ALL THE IDEAS AND STORIES ABOUT HOW RELATIONSHIPS END, AND AFTER I PROCESS THEM IT ALL COMES DOWN TO ONE POINT. ONE LONE IDEA THAT ENDS IT ALL.... FEAR.

WHEN YOU STRIP DOWN ALL YOUR PROBLEMS COMPLETELY TO THE ROOT. WHEN THIER IS NOTHING LEFT. ALL WE HAVE IS FEAR.

SO TODAY I WILL GO AS FAR AS TO SAY THE LOVE IS THE OPPOSITE AS FEAR. NOTHING ELSE CAN BREAK IT DOWN, NOTHING ELSE CAN STAND IN THE WAY OF LOVE.

LOVE IS ONLY CAPSIZED BY FEAR.

2010-07-21T20:53:00.000-07:00

TRUTH BE TOLD
I CANT SAY THIS ANOTHER WAY
WHEN I THINK OF YOU
ALL I SEE IS ME
ITS THE STORY OF MY LIFE
I CANT LEAVE IT BEHIND
WHEN I THINK OF YOU
ALL I SEE IS ME

ALWAYS, ALWAYS, BEEN YOU

2010-07-10T22:51:00.001-07:00

I DREAM DREAMS THAT DREAMERS DREAM OF

2010-07-07T21:50:00.000-07:00

I thought of you today just as the sun broke the horizon.
The first beam of light brushed my eye lids and with every blink I had thoughts of you.
As the sun rose I felt your heart beat upon my chest like a pounding drum in the middle of the greatest concert ever played.
It was warm and the sensation brought tears to my eyes.
Your face was glorious and as I winced to get one last glance, Your beauty……… it blinded me.

2010-07-05T12:57:00.001-07:00

I THINK IM GOING TO TAKE A BREAK FROM WRITING. I NEED TO FIGURE OUT WHAT MY PURPOSE IS

2010-07-05T12:52:00.000-07:00

I FIND THAT I HAVE NO IDEA ABOUT WHAT IS GOING ON IN LIFE.
CAN IT BE THAT WHEN LIFE CHANGES AND WHEN THE CARDS HAVE
BEEN DELT THAT I JUST STARE AT MY HAND WITH A BLANK LOOK UPON
MY FACE?

2010-06-07T17:21:00.001-07:00

I SEE STRENGTH IN MY ACTIONS

I SEE YOUR EYES,
WHEN THEY MEET MINE THE SENSATION IS ONE THAT NO WORDS CAN DESCRIBE.
AS YOU WALK INTO THE ROOM MY PALMS GET SWEATY, ITS LIKE AN HOUR GLASS IN WHICH THE SAND CANNOT ESCAPE.
YOUR EYES ARE THE WINDOW TO MY SOUL AND I CAN SEE MY FUTURE.
IT TRAVELS BACK AND FORTH FROM YOUR EYES TO YOUR HEART BACK TO YOUR EYES AGAIN.

YOUR PRESENCE FILLS MY BEING LIKE A RAY OF LIGHT IN THE DARKEST ROOM, IT IS UNFORGETTABLE

I CAN FEEL YOU WHEN YOUR NOT IN THE ROOM.

ITS LIKE A PIECE OF YOU IS ALWAYS WITH ME.

THE SIGHT OF YOU SCREAMS MY NAME WITH THE MOST DEAFENING OF SOUNDS.
I CANT HELP BUT LOVE IT BECAUSE THE SOUND SCREAMS YOUR NAME

2010-05-26T21:24:00.000-07:00

Tonight I have found new inspiration from just one syllable off of your lips. It was like stars on a clear night dancing in great harmony.

I saw a vision.

One that screamed your name until the depths of the earth. I saw freedom from captivity in a dark and unsure place. Your words they resound like a morning breeze awaking the pastures. I saw your face and beauty blessed my eyes.

Could it be I'm falling for you before I know your name or could your legacy be the story of my life?

2010-05-26T13:24:00.000-07:00

I’m not much of a love poet. But if I woke up tomorrow morning and decided I really wanted to write about love, my first poem would be about you. About how I love you the same way i learned how to ride a bike. Scared… but breathless. With no training wheels or elbow pads so my scars can tell the story of how I fell for you.

I’m not much of a love poet. But if I was, I’d write about how I see your face in every cloud and your reflection in every window. You see I’ve written a million poems hoping that somehow you’d jump out of the pages and be closer to me because if you were here. Right now. I’d massage your back so your skin sings songs that your lips don’t even know the words to. Until your heartbeat sounds like my last name. And your smile, like the pacific ocean, I want to drink the sunlight from your skin.

If I was a love poet I’d write about how you have the audacity to be beautiful even on days when everything around you is ugly. I’d write about your eyelashes and how they are like violin strings that play symphonies every time you blink. If I was a love poet I’d write about how I melt in front of you like an ice sculpture every time I hear the vibration in your voice. So whenever I see your name on the caller ID, my heart plays hopscotch inside of my chest and it climbs onto my ribs like monkey bars and I feel like a child all over again.

I know this sounds strange, but every now and then, I pray to God that he turns you back into one of my ribs just so I never have to spend an entire day without you.

And I swear I’m not a love poet. But if I was, my first poem would be about you. And after all of that, she was like, “So how do you feel about me?” I said, “Let’s put it like this. I want to be your ex-boyfriend’s stunt man. I wanna do everything he never had the courage to do. Like.. trust you.”

2010-05-21T22:26:00.000-07:00

I THINK IT IS FUNNY HOW LIFE'S TIMING IS COMPLETELY DIFFERENT FROM WHAT WE HAVE IN MIND.

COULD IT BE THAT TIME AND SPACE HAVE NO RELATIVITY FOR WHAT LIFE HAS IN STORE?

I FEEL LIKE WHEN I PURSUE LIFE I CAN NEVER FIND AND OR ACHIEVE WHAT I HAVE SET OUT FOR, BUT.... THE SECOND I STOP TO TAKE A BREAK, TO CATCH MY BREATH, IT APPEARS RIGHT BEFORE MY EYES AS THOUGH IT HAS BEEN THERE ALL ALONG.

2010-05-11T23:14:00.000-07:00

I HAVE FOUND THAT NO WORDS THAT COME FROM MY TONGUE MATTER.....

EVEN WORDS OF TRUTH, FORGIVENESS, SELFLESSNESS,AND HOPE.

I HAVE FOUND THAT MY ACTIONS ARE USELESS. I HAVE FOUND THAT MY HONOR IS NOT JUSTIFIED.

I HAVE FOUND THAT LOVE IS ONLY CAPSIZED BY FEAR

2010-05-03T21:40:00.000-07:00

I disappeared in broad daylight. Your shadow overpowered all that I had left

2010-05-03T09:02:00.000-07:00

Today i was inspired by a two year old. Strength is not measured by the pounds you press but by the size of your heart.

2010-04-12T19:36:00.000-07:00

I LOOKED YOU IN THE EYE, YOU LOOKED ME IN THE EYE, AND THEN WE JUST WALKED AWAY.

CAN IT BE THAT WHEN I SPEAK TRUTH THE OUTCOME IS THE OPPOSITE OF WHAT I INTENDED?
CAN IT BE THAT ALL THE TALES I SPEAK OF, ARE LONELY IN NATURE?
IF TRUTH IS THE WINDOW TO THE SOUL THEN FEEL FREE TO RIP MY HEART OUT OF MY CHEST,

TONIGHT I DANCE THE WALTZ BY MYSELF . IT WAS MAGNIFICENT, IT WAS PURE, IT WAS TRUE.

2010-04-07T14:23:00.001-07:00

LATLEY I HAVE FOUND THAT I DONT HAVE MUCH TO SAY.
I HAVE BEEN SITTING AND LISTENING, LISTENING AND WATCHING AND WATCHING AND WAITING.
IM NOT REALLY SURE WHAT IM LISTENING, WATCHING, WAITING AND SITTING FOR, BUT WHAT I DO KNOW IS THAT IT IS GOING TO BE BIG.

LIFE IS FUNNY. ONE DAY WE ARE ALL HAPPY AND THE NEXT IT IS THE END OF THE WORLD. I HAVE FOUND THAT I CANT CHANGE PEOPLE WITH THE WORDS THAT COME FROM MY MOUTH. WORDS ARE JUST WORDS, NOTHING MORE AND NOTHING LESS.

I CANT MAKE THE WORLD AROUND ME LOVE ME.

I CANT MAKE THEM CHOOSE TO SPEND THE DAYS WITH ME.

SO FOR ALL OF THAT I SAY THIS.......

I CANT TELL YOU HOW TO LIVE AND LOVE BUT, IF YOU WATCH CLOSELY YOU MIGHT LEARN SOMETHING ABOUT YOUR SELF.

2010-03-08T08:07:00.000-08:00

I HAVE FOUND THAT I KNOW NOTHING ABOUT EVERYTHING, AND EVERYTHING ABOUT NOTHING.

2010-03-04T22:34:00.001-08:00

WHEN I BREATHE YOUR AIR I FEEL ALIVE

2010-02-17T21:33:00.000-08:00

ITS BEEN PLENTY OF DAYS NOW
SINCE IVE SEEN YOUR FACE
ITS BEEN PLENTY OF YEARS NOW
SINCE WE HAVE RUN THIS RACE

SO WHY IS IT THAT I
EVERY TIME
MELT AT THE SIGHT OF YOU

I CAN SEE YOUR EYES
THEY ARE THE WINDOW TO YOUR SOUL
AND IM ASKING YOU NOW TO LET GO
WILL YOU? LET GO?

NEW SONG LYRICS

2010-02-09T21:51:00.000-08:00

TODAY I AM JUST TIRED..... IM TIRED OF THE WORLD......IM TIRED OF BEING SICK.

I FEEL ALONE, DEPRESSED, AND ANGRY.
I FEEL THE WEIGHT OF BAD DECISIONS ON MY CHEST.
REJECTION IS A HARD PILL TO SWALLOW.
I FEEL LIKE IM THE SECOND OPTION.

I CAN FEEL MYSELF RETREATING.
I FIND THAT IM DISTANCING MYSELF MORE AND MORE FROM CONVERSATION.
I LIKE THE QUIET. I LIKE THE CALM BUT I HATE TO BE ALONE.
I FEEL LIKE IM LOST IN THE NOISE BUT I CANT HEAR A SINGLE SOUND

this is how i feel today..........

2010-02-09T21:43:00.001-08:00

When I'm back from the road
and you're out on it
& I'm tired of this distance
& I believe it's over-rated.
And this phone tag game is endless
the novelty is wearing
I'm hoping time will pass
without any assistance
or convincing.

Road rules apply
there's so much action,
you're getting busy.
I'll call your cellular phone
to tell you TV night was
lonely without you
& so am I...
so am I.

It seems our day keeps falling on a leap year.

So many high points on this last leg.
I can't wait to recount them
it seems like nothing's happened
until I've shared them with you.
The note that you had called
says youre half a day away
& you are heading home
just in time for me to leave.

Road rules apply
there's so much action
I'm getting busy.
So make sure that I'm up to date
on TV night,
I hate to miss out.

I think I miss you most
on Wednesdays
& Saturdays.

It seems our day keeps falling on a leap year.

TOUGH QUESTIONS HAVE TOUGH ANSWERS

2010-02-03T11:07:00.000-08:00

SOMETIMES I WONDER IF I DO THINGS BECAUSE THEY ARE "RIGHT" OR BECAUSE I REALLY BELIEVE IN THEM. I HAVE SOLD MY STORY A MILLION TIMES OVER ABOUT HOW ALL I DO IS WALK AND TALK THE TRUTH, BUT DO I REALLY? COULD IT BE THAT EVERYTHING OUT OF MY MOUTH IS A SHAM? AM I JUST TELLING YOU WHAT I THINK YO WANT TO HEAR? COULD I REALLY BE THE GREAT BETRAYER OF ALL MY FRIENDS AND AT THE SAME TIME BE THIS UNHAPPY?

ITS HARD TO THINK AND TO UNDERSTAND WHAT IT IS EXACTLY THAT WE WANT IN LIFE. THE ROAD I HAVE TRAVELED HAS BEEN DARK FOR A VERY LONG TIME. IN FACT IT HAS BEEN SO DARK THAT WHEN I SEE A GOOD THING, I TURN AND WALK THE OTHER WAY SOLEY BECAUSE I AM USED TO WALKING ALONE. I FIND IT HARD TO LET PEOPLE IN. I FIND IT HARD TO ATTEND FAMILY FUNCTIONS. I HATE DRAMA BUT YET WITH MY ACTIONS I CAUSE IT. I KNOW THAT PEOPLE LOVE ME BUT I HAVE NOT FELT LOVE IN SO LONG.

ALL OF THIS TO SAY THAT THIS WEEK I HAVE REALIZED WHAT I WANT, BUT ITS A SECRET.

HONESTY

2010-01-28T22:11:00.000-08:00

TODAY I'M NOT CONVINCED THAT HONESTY IS ALWAYS THE BEST POLICY
I FEEL LIKE WHEN I SPEAK WORDS OF TRUTH I AM DESTINED TO FAIL
I WONDER IF I WOULD JUST WALK AWAY IN A STRONG SILENCE THAT ALL THE WORLD WOULD FADE INTO A DARK ABYSS
SO WITH THAT SAID I WILL REVERT BACK TO WHAT I BELIEVE WHICH IS......

I KNOW NO TRUTH, I ONLY KNOW WHAT I KNOW

2010-01-23T22:11:00.000-08:00

MY HEART BEATS SLOWLY WITH HURT FROM LOSS AND SEPERATION
WITH EVERY RISE AND FALL OF MY CHEST THE PRESSURE INCREASES
I HAVE LOVED AND BEEN LOVED AND SO QUICKLY IT CEASES

IF I GAVE IT MY ALL, CAN I GIVE IT AGAIN?

I NOW HAVE A MACHINE THAT KEEPS MY HEART BEATING
THE PRESSURE WAS TO STRONG FOR MY FLESHLY BEING
I HAVE LOVED AND BEEN LOVED BUT SO QUICKLY IT CEASES

2010-01-23T22:06:00.001-08:00

I WONDER IF I HAD A DO-OVER IF I WOULD STILL ACT AND REACT THE SAME WAY?
TODAY IM TAKING A VACATION FROM LIFE.

MUSIC

2010-01-21T10:46:00.001-08:00

LAST NIGHT MADE ME REALIZE HOW MUCH I MISS MUSIC
THE ROAD, THE LONG NIGHTS, THE WAY YOU FEEL WHEN
YOU ARE WITH FRIENDS DOING WHAT IT IS YOU LOVE

TODAY I FEEL INSPIRED

2010-01-18T22:03:00.001-08:00

I ONLY SPEAK WORDS OF TRUTH
IN THOSE WORDS OF TRUTH YOU WILL FIND MEANING
IN THE MEANING YOU WILL FIND HOPE
AND IN THE HOPE YOU WILL FIND GRACE

2010-01-17T15:09:00.000-08:00

TO KNOW THE FUTURE WE FIRST MUST KNOW THE PAST

2010-01-17T15:02:00.000-08:00

I TEND TO WONDER IF THE WORLD AS I KNOW IT IS BACKWARDS.
COULD IT BE THAT OUR TWISTED NATURE HAS SPRUNG A SURPRISE ATTACK?
I SEE THE WORLD IN BLACK AND WHITE BUT AS EACH DAY PASSES THE GRAYS BECOME MORE DOMINATE.
COULD IT BE THAT WE TURN A BLIND EYE TO EVIL BECAUSE WE ARE AFRAID OF CONFLICT?
WHAT IF WE WOULD LOVE EACH OTHER WITH A LOVE LIKE A CHILD, A SWEET INNOCENCE THAT SCREAMED COMPASSION.
I WONDER IF IN A WORLD WERE WE HAVE SO MUCH, IF WE GAVE UP EVERYTHING COULD WE SURVIVE?

2010-01-04T19:18:00.000-08:00

TODAY MIGHT HAVE BEEN THE WEIRDEST DAY OF MY LIFE................... THE SHOCK JUST SET IN.

2009-12-27T23:04:00.000-08:00

I HAVE FOUND MY PLACE
I WILL BURN THE MIDNIGHT OIL
THE LAMP WILL BURN BRIGHT IN THE WINDOW TONIGHT
THE SNOW WILL NOT FROST MY HANDS

I SEE SORROW IN YOUR EYES
I SEE THE WIND BENEATH YOUR TOES

THE WORLD HAS GROWN DARK AS THE NIGHT HAS OVERTAKEN THE DAY
THIS TIME I WILL PREVAIL
THIS TIME I WILL SEE THIS THRU
TIME STANDS STILL IN THIS PLACE
FROM THE GROUND I CAME AND TO THE GROUND I WILL GO

THE END IS NEAR

2009-12-26T11:07:00.000-08:00

LET THE PRESSURE FALL FROM YOU SHOULDERS
EMBRACE MY PASSION AND SEE THE WORLD IN A NEW LIGHT
TIME IS ALL I OWN
TIME IS AL I KNOW

COULD THE END BE THE BEGINNING?
OR
COULD THE BEGINNING BE THE END?

TIME DOES NOT HEAL ALL WOMBS
ONLY HONESTY CAN BRING FORTH TRUTH AND TRUE HEALING
THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN YOU AND I IS THAT I KNOW WHAT REALITY LOOKS LIKE
THE DISTANCE OF SILENCE IS THE HARDEST PART

TIME IS NOT ON MY SIDE

2009-12-25T17:56:00.000-08:00

ITS FUNNY HOW TIME CHANGES SOMEONE. THE DIFFERENCE IN THE WAY THEY WALK AND THE WAY THE CARRY THEMSELVES. I WONDER WHAT THE WORLD WOULD LOOK LIKE IF WE ADOPTED THE POLICY OF LOYALTY. CAN WE CONTINUE TO LIVE WITH THE CHOICES WE MAKE WHEN WE CLEARLY KNOW THEY ARE WRONG?

POETRY

2009-12-23T23:13:00.000-08:00

IM GOING TO START POSTING SOME POETRY/SONG LYRICS THAT I HAVE WRITTEN........

MAYBE TONIGHT ILL DROWN MY SORROWS IN WORDS UNSPOKEN.
ILL TAKE MY LAST BREATH WHEN THE GAVEL HITS THE TABLE
IN A MOMENT OF SILENCE MY LUNGS WILL GASP AND THE LIGHT WILL BEGIN TO FADE
DEATH IS AMUNGST ME AND I WILL GIVE INTO THE PAIN OF LIVING THIS TERRIBLE NIGHTMARE
MY LAST THOUGHT WILL BE THE WAY YOU LOOKED ON OUR WEDDING DAY AND THE PURE JOY OF HAPPINESS THAT I FELT AS YOU GRACED THE AISLE IN ALL WHITE
YOU LIT UP THE ROOM AS MY HEART FELT AN OVERWHELMING RUSH OF TRUE LOVE
I NEED YOU LIKE LUNGS NEED TO BREATHE

IF YOU DONT KNOW ABOUT THESE CAUSES I HOPE YOU TAKE THE TIME TO CHECK THEM OUT

2009-12-03T10:11:00.000-08:00

I DONT PROMOTE MANY THINGS BUT HERE ARE TWO THAT I DO AND I THINK THAT YOU SHOULD CHECK THEM OUT.

WWW.TWLOHA.COM

WWW.TOMSSHOES.COM

2009-12-03T09:52:00.000-08:00

WHY IS IT THAT PEOPLE OF "POWER" THINK THAT THEY ARE INVISIBLE?

WHY DO THEY THINK THAT THEY GET A "GET OUT OF JAIL FREE " CARD?

IS IT BECAUSE WE THE PEOPLE PLACE THEM ON SUCH A HIGH PEDESTAL THAT THEY THINK THEY ARE GOD? WHAT HAPPENED TO RESPONSIBILITY? WHAT HAPPENED TO REMEMBERING WHERE YOU CAME FROM? WHAT IF ATHLETES AND PEOPLE OF "POWER" TOOK IT SERIOUSLY AND REALIZED THAT PEOPLE LOOK UP TO THEM AND FOLLOW THEIR EVERY MOVE.

JUST BECAUSE YOU ARE FAMOUS AND MAKE A MILLION DOLLARS A YEAR YOU DO NOT HAVE THE RIGHT TO CHEAT ON YOUR WIFE OR TO COMMIT A CRIME. YOU ARE NOT AN UNSTOPPABLE FORCE. YOU ARE A HERO, SOMEONE FOR KIDS TO LOOK UP TO.

WILL YOU LIVE UP TO THE CHALLENGE?

THE CHOICES WE MAKE WILL EITHER CARRY OUR LEGACY OR HAUNT US FOREVER.

I WONDER WHO YOU ARE A HERO TO? I WONDER IF YOU WILL LIVE UP TO THE EXPECTATION? I WONDER IF YOU KNOW YOU ARE A HERO?

I WONDER WHAT I WILL DO DIFFERENTLY TODAY TO CAUSE A POSITIVE CHANGE IN SOMEONES LIFE?

THE WOLVES

2009-12-03T09:46:00.000-08:00

THIS IS HOW I FEEL TODAY. IF YOU WANT TO UNDERSTAND IT MORE YOUTUBE BON IVER THE WOLVES. WHEN YOU GET TO THE SONG CLOSE YOUR EYES TURN OFF THE LIGHTS AND CLEAR YOUR MIND. THEN PRESS PLAY

Someday my pain, someday my pain

Will mark you

Harness your blame, harness your blame

And walk through

With the wild wolves around you

In the morning, I'll call you

Send it farther on

Solace my game, solace my game

It stars you

Swing wide your crane, swing wide your crane

And run me through

And the story's all over you

In the morning i'll call you

Can't you find a clue when your eyes are all painted Sinatra blue

What might have been lost -

Don't bother me

2009-11-30T21:58:00.000-08:00

TIME IS ALL I OWN, SO RIGHT HERE ILL WAIT.

THIS IS A STATEMENT THAT I LIVE BY. THE PAST THREE YEARS I HAVE JUGGLED LIFE UNTIL MY ARMS HAVE BECAME NUMB. I HAVE FOUGHT MANY BATTLES AN WON NEXT TO NONE. I HAVE LEARNED THAT PATIENCE IS A VURTUE BUT TO BE HONEST IT CAN SUCK MOST OF THE TIME.

MY LEFT ARM IS STILL NUMB FROM THE HEART ATTACK/STROKE THAT HAPPEND OVER TWO YEARS AGO AND EVERYDAY I WONDER IF IT WILL EVER COME BACK. TO BE HONEST OUT OF ALL THE THINGS THAT I HAVE BEEN THROUGH IN MY LIFE THIS IS THE ONE THAT REALLY SETS ME BACK. IT DRIVES ME CRAZY. ITS HARD FOR ME TO ASK FOR HELP. ITS HARD FOR ME TO STAY PATIENT AND HOPE FOR MY ARM TO RETURN TO WHAT IT ONCE WAS.

TIME IS ALL I OWN SO RIGHT HERE ILL WAIT

2009-11-25T10:04:00.000-08:00

I FIND THE HOLIDAYS ONE OF THE MOST TRYING TIMES OF THE YEAR.

THE TRUTH WILL SET YOU FREE

2009-11-22T18:34:00.001-08:00

SOMETIMES I WONDER IF THE WHOLE TRUTH AND NOTHING BUT THE TRUTH SO HELP ME GOD IS THE RIGHT THING TO DO. LET ME EXPLAIN.

I HAVE THIS SENSE ABOUT ME THAT EVERY TIME I FEEL SOMETHING I JUST SAY IT. I GUESS IM GUARDED. IM AFRAID OF THE UNKNOWN SO INSTEAD OF WAITING AND WONDERING I JUST COME RIGHT OUT AND SAY IT. SOMETIMES WITH REGRET AND SOMETIMES WITH RELIEF. I WONDER IF BY DOING THIS, DO I SHOOT MYSELF IN THE FOOT? I WONDER IF I WOULD JUST LET IT HAPPEN, WOULD THE OUTCOME BE DIFFERENT?

LOVE = A SCORE OF ZERO

2009-11-20T14:17:00.000-08:00

SO WHAT IS YOUR DEFINITION OF LOVE? WHAT DOES LOVE MEAN TO YOU? IF YOU HAD TO WRITE A DEFFINITION OF LOVE WHAT WOULD IT SOUND LIKE? WOULD IT RENDER YOUR FAVORITE MOVIE WITH A PLAY BY PLAY OF BOY MEETS GIRL, THEY CANNOT LIVE WITH OUT EACH OTHER AND THE REST IS A FAIRYTALE.

MAYBE THE QUESTION THAT WE SHOULD ALL ASK EACH OTHER IS, DO WE EVEN BELIEVE IN LOVE? HOW CAN YOU LOVE SOMEONE IF YOU ARE NOT SURE OF ITS DEFINITION? WHAT IF YOU CAN HAVE A LOVE THAT LASTS FOREVER? WHAT IF LOVE IS VERY OBTAINABLE IN A WORLD THAT TELLS US THAT IT IS IMPOSSIBLE? WHAT IF OUR WHOLE LIVES WE HAVE HAD THE WRONG MINDSET AND WITH A SIMPLE CHANGE IN HABIT WE COULD CHANGE ALL OF OUR RELATIONSHIPS?

THESE ARE THE MANY QUESTIONS I ASKED MY SELF EVERYDAY FOR A VERY LONG TIME. IS LOVE OBTAINABLE? LONG LASTING NEVER FAILING LOVE.

THE ANSWER TO THIS QUESTION IS YES. IT IS NOT AN EASY YES AND WILL TAKE MUCH WORK AND COMMITMENT BUT NONE THE LESS THE ANSWER IS YES.

ONE GREAT MOMENT CAN ERASE A LIFE TIME OF BAD ONES

2009-11-20T13:52:00.000-08:00

TODAY I WATCHED A MOVIE ABOUT A COUPLE WHO WERE IN A RELATIONSHIP AND WHEN THEY BROKE UP THEY WANTED TO HAVE THE MEMORIES OF EACH OTHER ERASED. AFTER THEY HAD THEIR MEMORIES ERASED THEY ENDED UP MEETING EACH OTHER AGAIN AND FALLING IN LOVE.

THIS GOT ME THINKING. WOULD I WANT ALL OF THE "BAD" MEMORIES IN MY LIFE ERASED? WOULD I WANT TO WAKE UP ONE DAY AND FORGET ABOUT THE ONE THAT I HAVE LOVED FOR SO LONG? WOULD ALL OF THE BAD MEMORIES OUT WEIGH THE GOOD ONES?

I THINK THAT YOU HAVE TO TAKE THE BAD WITH THE GOOD. I THINK THAT NO MATTER HOW MANY BAD THINGS HAPPEN IN YOUR LIFE THAT ONE GREAT MOMENT CAN ERASE ALL OF THE BAD ONES. WITHOUT THE BAD MEMORIES WE HAVE NOTHING TO LEARN FROM. WE WILL BE STUCK IN THE SAME ROTATION UNTIL THE DAY WE DIE.

ALL THE BRICKS IN BROOKLYN

2009-11-18T07:52:00.000-08:00

MORE LYRICS FOR THE SHOW

" I WANT YOU TO KNOW
JUST HOW BEAUTIFUL YOU ARE
BUT I CANT DESCRIBE IT ALL
BECAUSE MY WORDS WONT COME OUT RIGHT
THAT
YOU MEAN MORE
THAN LIFE TO ME ME AND
I WANT YOU TO KNOW
HOW I FEEL TONIGHT

THE NIGHT SKIES LAPSE
AND THE SUN WILL RISE AGAIN
MY HEART IT BEATS
ONLY FOR YOU

I NEED YOU
LIKE LUNGS NEED TO BREATHE

BREATHING UNDERWATER

2009-11-18T07:49:00.000-08:00

IM GOING TO POST SOME LYRICS FOR THE SONGS I WILL BE SINGING THIS MONTH WHEN I PLAY

"THESE SHEETS THEY SCREAM YOUR NAME
THIS PILLOW IS DRENCHED IN TEARS
I DIED ONE LAST TIME TONIGHT
AND SO DID WE

DEEP BREATH AND HOLD ON
TONIGHT IS ALMOST OVER
DEEP BREATH AND HOLD ON
TONIGHT IS ALMOST OVER

MY HEART IS BIGGER THAN YOUR HEART

2009-11-14T21:22:00.001-08:00

SO TONIGHT ON THE WAY HOME I HAD AN AWESOME CONVERSATION ABOUT LOVE AND CHOICE AND CHOOSING ECT. WHILE IN THE CONVERSATION WE TALKED ABOUT THE AMOUNT OF LOVE YOU CAN GIVE AND HOW WE MAKE IT SUCH A GAME. FOR EXAMPLE, "I WISH YOU COULD LOVE ME LIKE I LOVE YOU" OR "I LOVE YOU MORE". WHAT IF WE DIDN'T MEASURE LOVE? WHAT IF WE SAID I WANT YOU TO LOVE ME AS MUCH AS YOU CAN TODAY. IS IT REALLY A COMPETITION? HAVE WE MADE IT THAT? DO WE WANT SOMEONE TO ONLY LOVE US BECAUSE THEY ARE TRYING TO TOP OUR LAST MOVE. WHAT IF WE DID NOT WEIGH LOVE? I STILL WANT TO BE CHOSEN, I STILL WANT TO BE LOVED BUT SHOULD LOVE BE PLACED ON A SCALE AND THE WINNER GETS A PRIZE?

ARE MY THOUGHT PURE OR ARE THEY JUST THOUGHTS?

2009-11-11T10:52:00.000-08:00

I WISH I HAD ALL THE ANSWERS. I WISH THAT I HAD A CRYSTAL BALL. BUT EVEN WHEN I WISH THESE THINGS I TEND TO WONDER IF IT WOULD CHANGE ANYTHING. I TEND TO WONDER IF MY WILL WOULD GET IN THE WAY OF WHAT THE CRYSTAL BALL IS REALLY SAYING. I BET IF I HAD ALL THE ANSWERS I WOULD STILL MANIPULATE THEM TO BE WHAT I WANTED/NEEDED THEM TO BE.

I HAVE REALLY BEEN THINKING ABOUT THIS A LOT AND I CANT HELP BUT THINK THAT MY SELFISH NATURE WOULD DISRUPT EVEN THE PURIST OF THOUGHTS. IN MOST CASES THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN WRONG AND RIGHT IS PERCEPTION. (I MEAN ITS WRONG TO KILL SOMEONE BUT IS IT WRONG TO STEAL IF YOU ARE HUNGRY AND HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO MEANS FOR FOOD?)

SO ALL OF THAT TO BRING ME TO THE THOUGHT THAT EVEN WANTING ALL THE ANSWERS AND HAVING A CRYSTAL BALL MAKES ME EXTREMELY SELFISH. I WOULD MISS ALL OF LIFES SURPRISES AND NEVER LEARN A THING IF I HAD EITHER ONE OF THESE. HOW MANY TIMES HAVE WE LEARNED FROM OUR MISTAKES? LIFES BIGGEST LESSSIONS COME FROM MISTAKES WE HAVE MADE. WITH ALL THE ANSWERS WE WOULD BE LAME HUMANS WITH A LACK OF LOVE AND RESPECT. SO TODAY I CHALLANGE YOU TO LEARN FROM YOUR MISTAKES AND NOT REGRETE LIFE IN ITS PUREST FORM.

"IM NOT AFRAID TO MAKE BIG MISTAKES, IM NOT AFRAID TO FALL FLAT ON MY FACE" —— THE ALMOST

MY MY MY, MY MY MY, MY MY

2009-11-10T21:12:00.001-08:00

"I told you to be patient
I told you to be fine
I told you to be balanced
I told you to be kind
In the morning I'll be with you
But it will be a different "kind"
I'll be holding all the tickets
And you'll be owning all the fines"

PAST, PRESENT OR FUTURE.

2009-11-10T21:04:00.000-08:00

I WONDER IF WE COULD GO BACK TO THE OLD DAYS WERE ALL WE NEEDED IN LIFE WAS SOMEONE TO MAKE US SMILE. WHEN LOVE WAS SIMPLE AND OUR OWN STUPIDITY DID NOT DISRUPT SOMETHING GREAT. I WONDER IF FEAR DRIVES US TO A POINT WERE WE DO NOT TRUST OURSELVES. I GUESS IM JUST OLD FASHIONED(WITH TATTOOS OF COURSE)

A TIME FOR CHANGE, A TIME FOR LIFE

2009-11-09T11:13:00.000-08:00

I HAD LUNCH WITH A FAMILY FROM CHURCH YESTERDAY AND WHILE I WAS AT THEIR HOME I SPENT A LOT OF TIME WITH THE KIDS. I LISTENED TO STORY AFTER STORY AND TO BE HONEST I DONT REMEMBER ANY OF THEM BUT WHAT I DO REMEMBER IS THE JOY I FELT JUST LISTENING. FOR A LONG TIME I HAD NO DESIRE FOR KIDS BUT IN THE PAST COUPLE OF MONTHS MY DESIRE HAS INCREASED WITH EVERY PASSING DAY. THIS IS A WEIRD FEELING TO BE HONEST BECAUSE FOR SO LONG I HAD ZERO DESIRE. LIFE IS CHANGING AND I FEEL GOOD ABOUT WHERE IT IS GOING

WHO AM I

2009-11-06T21:22:00.001-08:00

I AM ONLY A MAN........ I AM ONLY A MAN WHO MAKES MISTAKES......... I AM ONLY A MAN WHO DESIRES LOVE........... I AM ONLY A MAN WHO KNOWS NO TRUTH.......... I AM ONLY A MAN WHO LONGS FOR GREATNESS........ I AM ONLY A MAN WHO LOVES VIDEO GAMES........ I AM ONLY A MAN WHO LOVES TO SNUGGLE...... I AM ONLY A MAN WHO IS LOOKING FOR YOU.......... I AM ONLY A MAN WHO DESIRES PEACE....... I AM ONLY A MAN WHO WANTS A FAMILY......... I AM ONLY A MAN WHO HAS TATTOOS....... I AM ONLY A MAN WHO LIVES IN THE SEMI GHETTO........ I AM ONLY A MAN WHO WISHES HE COULD START OVER...... I AM ONLY A MAN WHO SINGS SAD SONGS........ I AM ONLY A MAN WHO WRITES BLOGS LIKE THIS........... I AM ONLY A MAN

WHAT DO YOU LONG FOR?

2009-11-06T09:21:00.000-08:00

TODAY I SAW THE CLASSIC 70 PLUS COUPLE WALKING AROUND THE GROCERY STORE HOLDING HANDS AND IT MADE ME THINK OF THAT DIAMOND COMMERCIAL WITH THE OLDER COUPLE WALKING THROUGH THE PARK. EVERY TIME I SEE THAT COMMERCIAL OR SOMETHING LIKE IT IT MAKES ME WONDER IF OUR GENERATION HAS LOST WHAT THEY HAVE. I THINK OF MY GRANDPARENTS AND HOW THEY HAVE BEEN TOGETHER SINCE THE BEGINNING OF TIME AND WONDER... DID THEY JUST STUCK IT OUT OR WAS IT LOVE THE WHOLE TIME? WAS IT AN EXPECTATION THAT A MARRIAGE WAS FOREVER? WE ALL KNOW THE VOWS WE ALL KNOW WHATS RIGHT AND WRONG BUT WE ALSO KNOW THAT NOT EVERY MARRIAGE IS FOREVER. BUT THE QUESTION I TEND TO WONDER THE MOST IS........ DO WE GO INTO RELATIONSHIPS HALF HEARTED WITH THE EXPECTATION THAT IT WILL NOT LAST? IS LOVE A LOST ART FORM? IS IT JUST A BY STANDARD TO HELP US MAKE IT FROM DAY TO DAY, A SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE WAY OF LIFE? DO WE REALLY TAKE IT SERIOUSLY?

I LONG FOR THE DAY THAT I AM 70 AND CAN WALK THROUGH THE GROCERY STORE WITH MY WIFE AND HOLD HANDS SETTING THE EXAMPLE FOR THE NEXT ONES IN LINE. I LONG FOR THE MORNING SUN TO HIT MY BROW AND FOR MY NEXT THOUGHT TO BE OF HER. I LONG FOR DINNER AT DINNER TABLES WITH A QUIET SENSE OF HAPPINESS. I LONG FOR DREAMS THAT BECOME A REALITY AND A LIFE THAT IS FILLED WITH JOY.