TONIGHT MORE THAN EVER IN MY LIFE, I REALIZE THAT I NEED A CHANGE AND IT NEEDS TO START NOW

I HAVE BEEN DOING A LOT OF THINKING ABOUT LIFE AND LOVE A TON LATELY. I FEEL THE PRESSURE AND THE DESIRE TO BE MORE THAN I AM AT THIS POINT IN MY LIFE. I HAVE LIVED LIFE AND HAVE SEEN MORE THINGS THAN MOST PEOPLE WILL OR SHOULD IN THEIR LIFE TIME BUT IM JUST NOT SATISFIED WITH HOW MY LIFE HAS TURNED OUT. SOME MAY SAY THAT I HAVE THIS AWESOME LIFE WHERE I DONT HAVE TO GO TO WORK EVERYDAY AND I CAN JUST DO WHATEVER I WANT TO ALL DAY LONG. WELL THAT IS SOME WHAT TRUE BUT THE FLIP SIDE OF THAT IS, I HAVE A HEART CONDITION. TO BE HONEST I WOULD GO TO WORK IN A HEART BEAT IF I COULD.

A LITTLE OVER A YEAR AGO I DIED, YES I DIED FOR ABOUT 30 SECONDS I WAS DEAD AND EVER SINCE THAT MOMENT I HAVE SEEN EVERYTHING IN A DIFFERENT LIGHT. I VALUE TIME MORE NOW THAN EVER. A DAY FEELS LIKE TEN AND A WEEK FEELS LIKE A YEAR. I FEEL LIKE I AM LUCKY IN THE RESPECT THAT I HAVE A SECOND CHANCE TO DO THINGS RIGHT, AND THAT IS WHAT I AM GOING TO DO.

I HAVE ALSO BEEN THINKING ABOUT THESE THREE STATEMENTS.

1. FOR BETTER OR FOR WORSE
2. FOR RICHER AND FOR POORER
3. IN SICKNESS AND IN HEALTH

I HAVE BEEN THINKING... DO PEOPLE REALLY REALIZE WHAT THEY ARE SAYING WHEN THEY SAY IT? CONSISTENCY? COMMITMENT? SELFLESSNESS INSTEAD OF SELFISHNESS?.... WHAT A CONCEPT, RIGHT?

I WONDER IF WE WILL EVER GET THIS RIGHT?

VIA DOLOROSA

I AM LEARNING THAT I SHOULD NOT CARE SO MUCH. I AM LEARNING THAT WHEN I DO I ONLY GET HURT. I AM LEARNING THAT THIS IS MY DESTINY. I AM LEARNING NO EFFORT THAT I PUT FORTH WILL EVER BE ENOUGH. I AM LEARNING THAT LOVE REALLY IS A CHOICE. I AM LEARNING THAT GREATNESS IS ONLY DEFINED BY THOSE AROUND YOU. I AM LEARNING THAT THE TATTOO ON MY LEFT FOOT REALLY IS TRUE.