WHY IS IT THAT "SURVIVAL" IS THE ONLY FORM OF LIVING THESE DAYS? SO QUICK ARE WE TO THROW OUR FRIENDS UNDER THE BUS TO JUSTIFY WHAT WE ARE DOING. NOBODY HERE IS JUDGING BUT EVERYONE HERE IS JUDGING.

I CAN FEEL THE WITHDRAW. IT IS LIKE A BORING MOVIE....LONG AND DRUG OUT. I CAN FEEL MY HEART HARDENING AND I DO NOT LIKE IT. I KNOW THE PATH AND I HAVE STAYED THE PATH BUT WITH EVERY PASSING DAY I FEEL MY LEGS WEAKENING TO THE POINT OF EXHAUSTION. I FIND HOPE WITH EVERY LAUGH AND SMILE BUT WHAT I WANT IS SOME SUBSTANCE. A RELEASE....THE FEELING OF CHRISTMAS MORNING WHEN I WAS YOUNG. COULD IT BE THAT IM TAINTED AND MY EXPECTATION IS TO HIGH? OR AM I AFRAID OF WHAT IS NEXT?

STAY THE PATH

I KEEP TELLING MYSELF THIS BUT IM WONDERING IF IT IS WORKING. I AM REMINDED DAILY THAT SOMETIMES THE JOURNEY LASTS WAY LONGER THAN THE DESTINATION, SO THAT IS THE HOPE I AM HOLDING ONTO. COULD IT BE THAT THIS WILL BE THE GREATEST TEST OF MY PATIENTS OR EVEN THE GREATEST TEST OF ALL TIME? ITS HARD TO KNOW YOUR ONE TRUE DESIRE AND NEVER BE ABLE TO GRASP IT LIKE A CARROT IN FRONT OF THE RABITS NOSE. IM JUST GLAD I HAVE LONG ARMS AND STEADY PACE

ITS OK TO THROW YOUR BURRITO AWAY

I WONDER IF LETTING GO IS HARDER THAN LETTING YOUR GAURD DOWN? OR DO THEY GO HAND IN HAND?

MY BACK SAYS IT ALL

WHAT IF BREAKING OLD HABITS WILL JUST LEAD TO NEW ONES? WHAT IF WE NEVER LEARN HOW TO TRUST? IM FINDING THAT TRUST AND FEAR GO HAND IN HAND. IM LEARNING THAT ALL I WANT IS FOR YOU TO TRUST ME LONG ENOUGH TO HELP YOU FACE YOU'RE FEARS. FEAR IS AN INTERESTING BATTLE. ITS NOT A BATTLE OF GOOD AND EVIL BUT A BATTLE OF HOPE. WHEN WILL WE LET HOPE FIGHT FOR OUR TRUST WHICH WILL ERASE OUR FEARS AND THEN ALLOW US TO LOVE LIKE WE WANT? DONT GIVE UP ON HOPE, ITS ALL WE HAVE LEFT

WITHOUT TRUE SACRIFICE WE WILL NEVER KNOW LOVE

I FEEL LIKE MY MIND IS RACING A MILLION MILES A SECOND AND I CANNOT FOCUS ON A SINGLE THOUGHT. IM FINDING THAT MY EMOTIONS ARE WINNING THE WAR. I WANT PASSION IN MY LIFE NOT EXISTENCE. I WANT TO FEEL THE BURDEN OF ANOTHER FOR THE SOLE PURPOSE OF RELIEF. I HAVE AN ADDICTION. IM ADDICTED TO SACRIFICE.

I WISH I COULD RECORD YOU'RE LAUGH AND PLAY IT BACK EVERY TIME I HAVE A BAD MOMENT. I WISH I HAD A GIANT P.A THAT I COULD FILL THE AIR WITH IT. I FEEL LIKE IT COULD SAVE THE WORLD, CURE HUNGER AND BRING WORLD PEACE. IN A SELFISH WAY I WISH I JUST HAD IT ON MY IPOD SO I COULD PUT IT ON REPEAT. IT CHANGES ME EVERY TIME I HEAR IT.

SOMETHING I HEARD TODAY AND WANTED TO SHARE

THERE IS NOTHING RATIONAL ABOUT LOVE. LOVE STUDDERS WHEN IT GETS NERVOUS. LOVE TRIPS OVER ITS OWN SHOE LACES. LOVE IS CLUMSY AND MY HEART REFUSES TO WEAR A HELMET

IM NOT CONVINCED THAT LOVE IS A MYSTERY. IM NOT CONVINCED THAT IT IS UNOBTAINABLE. I AM CONVINCED THAT IT IS EASIER MADE THAN KEPT.

I WONDER WHAT MY LIFE WOULD BE LIKE IF I COULD JUST LET MY GUARD DOWN. I LIKE TO THINK I AM AN HONEST PERSON AND WEAR MY HEART ON MY SLEEVE BUT WHAT IF I REALLY JUST LAID IT ALL ON THE LINE? WOULD THAT EVEN BE HUMANLY POSSIBLE FOR US TO GRASP OR WOULD I JUST BE PASSED OVER? I WONDER IF WE AS HUMANS REALLY UNDERSTAND THE WORD
"UNCONDITIONAL"?


COULD IT BE THAT WE DONT UNDERSTAND BECAUSE DEEP DOWN WE DONT WANT TO?

TONIGHT I AM HEARTBROKEN. NOT BY A PERSON BUT BY AN IDEA THAT HAUNTS ME TO MY CORE.