CAN THE HUNTER BECOME THE HUNTED?

I WOULD LIKE TO START THIS BY SAYING... THIS IS NOT NORMAL FOR ME. IM GOING TO TAKE THIS BLOG TO A DEEPER LEVEL THEN I NORMALLY DO. MOST DAYS I USE THIS TO GIVE A WATERED DOWN VERSION OF MY PERSONAL WRITINGS. I TEASER IF YOU WILL, BUT TODAY I FEEL LIKE I NEED THE RELEASE. FTW THIS IS NOT POINTED AT ANYONE OR SPECIFIC LY RELATED TO SOMEONE IT IS A MESSAGE AND A THOUGHT THAT I HAVE BEEN THINKING ABOUT NON STOP FOR MANY MANY YEARS.

NOW THAT THE LEGAL MUM BO JUMBO IS DONE LETS GET DOWN TO BUSINESS.

IM TIRED. PLAIN AND SIMPLE. IM TIRED OF BEING "AGGRESSIVE" IM TIRED OF BEING THE "HUNTER" IF YOU WILL. I FEEL LIKE A PUT IN A TON OF EFFORT, TIME AND RESOURCES ALL TO BE TOSSED ASIDE AT THE FIRST SIGN OF SOMETHING BETTER ALL TO HEAR THAT I WAS THE BETTER CHOICE AFTER THE FACT.

I GET THAT I AM SAFE. I GET THAT I AM NOT NORMAL BUT IM TIRED OF ALWAYS HEARING "YOU ARE TOO NICE TO ME" OR " I DONT DESERVE YOU".

AT WHAT POINT DO I BECOME THE "HUNTED"? OR IS THAT TO MUCH TO ASK FOR?

IM LOOKING FOR REAL HONEST TRUE DESIRE.

MOST DAYS I WANT TO GIVE UP.

I GUESS WHAT I AM SAYING IS THAT I CAN DO WITHOUT ALL THE GAMES AND I WISH THAT SOMEONE WOULD CHOOSE ME.

FEAR IS A FUNNY THING. AT WHAT POINT WILL BE NOT BE AFRAID TO TRUST SO I HEARTS CAN DO WHAT THEY WERE CREATED FOR.... LOVE

I GUESS IM STUCK ON THIS SUBJECT. IM HAVING A HARD TIME BELIVING THAT ANYONE BELIEVES THEY DO NOT DESERVE LOVE. I GUESS I FEEL LIKE IT IS SELFISH. ISNT LOVE ALL ABOUT WHO THE PERSON IS AT THAT MOMENT IN THEIR LIFE NO MATTER IF IT IS GOOD OR BAD? DO WE THINK THAT OTHERS CAN ONLY LOVE US WHEN WE ARE AT OUR BEST? I WANT SOMETHING REAL. I WANT SOMEONE WHO SHOWS UP EVERYDAY GOOD OR BAD. I WANT SOMEONE WHO WILL LOVE ME WHEN I SUCK.

SO LEAVE THE THOUGHTS BEHIND. JUMP IN THAT POOL HEAD FIRST, BECAUSE LOVE IS ABOUT THE MOMENT AND THE MOMENT TURNS INTO DAYS AND THE DAYS TURN INTO YEARS AND YEARS TURN INTO LIFETIMES.

IM NOT SURE WHERE AND WHEN WE CAME UP WITH THE IDEA THAT WE DONT DESERVE LOVE. IM NOT SURE HOW THAT IS EVEN A FAIR STATEMENT. COULD IT ME THAT WE ARE JUST AFRAID? COULD IT BE THAT WE ARE JUST SELFISH? IM NOT SURE THAT WE GET TO PICK WHO LOVES US.... AFTER ALL IT IS THEIR CHOICE

COULD IT BE THAT WE LIVE OUR LIVES IN SLOW MOTION AND MISS WHAT WAS INTENDED TO BE FAST?

I NEED TO CHANGE MY LIFE ON SUNDAYS. ITS DEPRESSING. I FEEL LIKE IM RUNNING A RACE WITH THE CARROT JUST MILLIMETERS FROM MY FACE. THE CARROT BEING MY DESIRES AND THE RACE BEING MY PATH. I FEEL LIKE I AM STAYING THE PATH BUT THE PROBLEM WITH THAT IS ITS NAME.... "VIA DOLOROSA"....... IM FINDING THAT I WANT NORMALCY. A CHANCE TO DO RIGHT WHAT I HAVE DONE WRONG.

IM LOOKING FOR QUIET. IM LOOKING FOR RELAXATION. IM LOOKING FOR REAL, MESSED UP OR PERFECT JUST REAL.

I BELIEVE LOVE IS A FAST SONG. IS IT SPINNING ME AROUND AGAIN?


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TaN_3eXJrwE

I JUST WANT TO CLAIRFY THIS BLOG... IT IS NOT NEGITIVE IN ANYWAY.... IT IS A MESSAGE OF HOPE

SOMETHING THAT HAS BEEN ON MY MIND

WHEN WILL WE LET HOPE FIGHT FOR OUR TRUST WHICH WILL ERASE OUR FEARS AND THEN ALLOW US TO LOVE LIKE WE WANT?

IM FINDING THAT STRENGTH IS AN EASY THING TO MEASURE. I CAN SEE IT ALL AROUND ME IN VARIOUS FORMS. TONIGHT I SAW IT IN YOU'RE EYES AND IT REMINDED ME THAT ITS OK TO LET OTHERS STAY THE PATH FOR ME SOMETIMES. ITS OK TO BE THE ONE WHO NEEDS HELP. SO TONIGHT I THANK YOU FOR SHOWING ME THE PATH WHEN I LOST MY WAY.

COULD IT BE THAT FEAR IS THE ONLY BLINDER OUR EYES WILL EVER SEE?

TODAY I FELT THE ICE BREAK. THE SOUND WAS INTENSE AND EXHAUSTING AS I FELT THE WAVE OF THE WATER BELOW ME I KNEW THAT THIS WAS IT.

CHANGE.

IT WAS UPON ME.

ALL MY TALKS OF BEING TIRED. ALL MY TALKS OF CHANGE. ALL MY TALKS OF FEAR HAVE BEEN SURPASSED BY THIS SINGLE MOMENT. ONE TEAR GRAZED MY CHEEK AS I FELT THE WARM RUSH OF ADRENALINE PUMP THREW MY VEINS. IT WAS A WEIRD FEELING. THE LONELINESS WAS WASHED AWAY IN A SINGLE SECOND AND ANGER HAD OVERTAKEN MY SOUL. I FELT CONFUSED, I FELT UNAWARE, BUT MOST OF ALL I FELT DEFEATED.

I AM STRONGER FOR THIS MOMENT. THIS PLACE IN TIME. IT HAS COME AND GONE. I FELL LIKE I HAVE BEEN PREPING FOR IT FOR SOME TIME. STAY THE PATH. VIA DOLOROSA

I FEEL LIKE IM LIVING IN SLOW MOTION AND AT THE SAME TIME I FEEL AS THOUGH I CANNOT CATCH UP. I WONDER IF THIS WILL EVER CHANGE OR AM I LIVING A LIFETIME OF REGRETS WITH NO WEIGHT UPON MY SHOULDERS?

I CAN SEE THE SUNRISE, BUT THE WARMTH NEVER REACHES MY BROW. I CAN FEEL THE SUNSET BUT IT IS A LONLEY PLACE OF DESPAIR.

I FEEL LIKE IM GRASPING AND PULLING BUT ALL I GET IS A HANDFUL OF AIR. THREE A.M IS A DEAFENING SOUND OF SILENCE AND A HARD PILL TO SWALLOW

SOMETIMES YOU JUST HAVE TO WAIT 10 MORE YEARS

I REMEMBER A SIMPLER TIME. A TIME WHEN WE WOULD ACT IN SUCH A WAY THAT WE WOULD JUST BE AND NOT THINK ABOUT EVERYTHING IN GREAT DETAIL. I REMEMBER A TIME WHEN TRUST WAS ALL YOU NEEDED. WHAT HAPPENED TO THAT? I STRUGGLE WITH THE IDEA THAT WE OVER THINK EVERYTHING TO THE POINT THAT WE MISS EVERYTHING.

MISTAKES ARE MISTAKES. LIFE IS LIFE AND IT IS NOT ABOUT WHERE YOU HAVE BEEN BUT WHERE YOU ARE GOING. I WONDER IF WE WILL EVER ACCEPT THIS MESSAGE? CAN WE PUT OUR REGRET AND GUILT BEHIND US SO WE CAN PUT OUR FUTURE IN FRONT OF US?

FORGIVENESS IS UPON YOU BUT WILL YOU FORGIVE YOURSELF? I FIND HOPE IN THE FACT THAT ONE DAY MY CONSISTENCY WILL REWARD ME SO UNTIL THEN I WILL STAY THE PATH.